A Sliver of Brain Matter

Live a Good Life...

2011-02-01T09:12:00.001-08:00

"Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones."
— Marcus Aurelius

I woke up crying

2010-04-04T07:08:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been having bad dreams about my mother.

First some background...

I didn't know my mother was really my mother until I was about 5 years old. Until that time, I was raised exclusively by my grandparents. It's a long story, and not one I know all the details about, but I'll just say it was confusing to find out the woman I thought of as mommy was actually my grandmother and the woman who would sometimes babysit us, and seemingly follow us around the country as we moved, was really my mother. This was an ongoing situation--my grandparents would move, and my mother would soon follow several months or even years later. Eventually, we would live with my mother for a while until she couldn't handle taking care of us any more, and we would be shuttled back and forth between mom and my grandparents.

Several years ago my mother experienced liver failure as a result of poor health maintenance and a lifetime of alcoholism. I knew my mother drank sometimes, and that she was often depressed or sad or grumpy, but I never thought about alcoholism. I guess maybe I was naive? My grandfather would sit for hours drinking beer after beer, but I never saw my mom do that, so I guess I figured she wasn't an alcoholic. However, when I did see her drink, she often drank excessively in a short amount of time.

I remember one time shortly after I turned 21, my mother wanted to take me out drinking. I had to work, but promised I'd meet her at the bar. It was a strange experience. When I got there, she was already pretty gone and playing pool with friends. Her speech was slurred and she was stumbling around. Her friends weren't much better. I told her I'd take her home, but she insisted I stay and have a drink. I told her that I didn't want a drink, and she told me that I wasn't any fun and that I should just go home, which I did. I found out not too long ago that she would often take my teenage sister (who is now in her mid 20s) out to the bars with her.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when I found out she was dying because of her liver. However, my mother had also been diagnosed with diabetes, hepatitis (C? I think), and other health problems that she didn't manage very well. I was so angry at her. I had visited her in and out of jail, when she was living with friends, etc. It always made me so angry that this adult woman couldn't or wouldn't take care of herself. She wasn't a stupid woman, but she had no faith in herself. She put all her faith in her kids, but never really gave us the tools to believe in ourselves either.

So, in October of 2009, I found out my mother was back in the hospital. She was found lying in a pool of blood after several weeks of illness. My baby sister, who still lived at home, found her and called an ambulance. My baby sister also found her the first time she got ill. By the time I found out about my mom being sick again, it was too late- her brain had stopped functioning and she was non-responsive to any stimuli. She was hooked up to machines that were breathing for her and keeping her heart beating.

What hurts most is that I hadn't talked to my mother in about a year before this happened. She had called me just a few months before and left a message on my voicemail. Her speech was slurred, and I could barely understand the message. I thought she had been drinking again and didn't want to talk to her. Then I was called home and told that my brother and I had to decide whether to keep her on the machines or to let her go. We chose to let her go because there was no evidence that she would recover. It was a horrible situation to be placed in, and I would never want children of mine to be placed in it.

I was the only family member who spoke at her funeral. I was incredibly angry at my mom for forcing me to take care of her and make important decisions (yet again) about taking care of her and my brother and sisters. I was the child, and I deserved to be a child, but I never really felt I had the chance because I always had to be the responsible one in the family. Here I was once again, having to take care of my mom and of the family. Thankfully my brother was there to help out too this time... but in any case, I didn't speak in anger about my mother. I spoke with love and talked about the few positive things I remembered-- her unflagging love for her children, and her love of laughter and having fun.

The past few months have been very stressful for me. I don't drink often, and when I do it's usually a drink or two with dinner, or a couple of beers at the bar with friends and my wife. I think experiencing alcoholism with my grandfather and with my mother has made me constantly worry that having 'just one more' could push me over the edge, and that's something I don't want. I need to be in control of my life, and not let an inanimate object like alcohol do that for me. So, anyway, I've been having a lot of stress lately, and sometimes that turns into bad dreams for me.

Three or four nights ago, I dreamed that I was driving through fog trying to get to my mother when I lost control of the car and smashed into a wall, which propelled my car out over the water. I woke up just as my car hit the water. Two nights ago I dreamed that my mother was drinking like crazy and I was trying to get her to stop. She wouldn't, and when I would try to grab the drink from her she would just float out of my reach- over and over again. She would ask for help, and I couldn't get to her to help her.

Last night I had a dream regarding something that happened between the two of us when I first went to college- I had just received my first credit card and was using it sparingly. She begged me to let her use it to buy the girls some clothes for school, to which I agreed. She maxed out the card and never repaid it. It took me years to pay it off. So in my dream last night, she was sick and dying. I was helping her by going through her mail looking for information when I discovered that she had opened up credit cards in each of her children's names (all four of us), plus in the name of the nonprofit group I started. Each card was over drawn and overdue, and she had no money to pay them - or so she claimed.

Then in my dream I found a pile of checks- hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of checks from strangers and businesses- written out to my mother. She had refused to cash them because she didn't want to take charity. I tried to rationalize with her saying that taking money from someone who offered to help you was much better than fraud, but she wouldn't listen. she started mumbling incoherently and drifting away from me. I tried to get her, but she started floating away and I couldn't reach her. I woke up crying.

8 months!

2010-02-11T20:14:00.000-08:00

It's been about 8 months since the last time I wrote something on here! Wow!

Well, I just wanted to post that I'm trying to really begin writing again. I just edited 2 poems that I wrote in 2006 and posted them here : http://www.webook.com/project/A-Sliver-of-Brain-Matter

I figured why not, right?

Man...

2009-06-07T10:01:00.000-07:00

It certainly has been a rough couple of weeks. Last week judy went away to a conference and i hardly spoke to her at all. It's been rough. I love talking to judy every day, and when it doesn't happen I get cranky. It also worries me when I don't hear from her and she's far away because I never know if she's ok or not. I know I shouldn't worry, but that's just my personality, I guess, or maybe it's naturaly to worry about the ones you love when you can't be with them?

This week? Well, let's just say I blew my top at people who didn't deserve it. However, I'm not too proud to apologize, and I did just that. I just hope my apologies will be accepted.

I was going to go into more detail, but that's probably not a good or smart thing right now. I'll just deal with the situation(s) as they arise.

Southwest Airlines ! Love it!

2009-05-08T10:06:00.000-07:00

I'm not a mom, obviously, but I do fly Southwest w/family, and we do a lot of travel in the late spring and summer. When you live over 1,000 miles from relatives, sometimes you just gotta do that!

So, I'm entering this contest to try to win free family 4-pack of tickets on Southwest airlines, which is my favorite airline, seriously! Have flown any others lately? uggh...

Anyway. Enjoy, and thanks for reading! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, it's been super busy here-- you know, planning travel for the summer and stuff!

Simplifying

2009-03-26T21:33:00.000-07:00

One step at a time

removing e-mail accounts-- yahoo and hotmail-- and "unprofessional" gmail account will now be used for stuff like signing up for stupid stuff that makes you register on the interwebz (stuff like social networks, etc.).

trying to eat better and healthier-- this is more difficult.

ok, that's two steps. hopefully more to follow shortly!

My Love Language

2009-02-20T07:12:00.000-08:00

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Physical Touch

My Detailed Results:
Physical Touch:	11
Quality Time:	7
Acts of Service:	6
Words of Affirmation:	5
Receiving Gifts:	1

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

A month later...

2009-01-19T16:30:00.000-08:00

Wow! It's been a month since the last time I wrote something! That's a long time for me!

Anyway, what's happened since then?

Judy had surgery right before Christmas. Nothing major, just to see if her endometriosis was back, which it isn't. She had a fairly quick recovery. :-) Happiness!

Christmas was nice. I got a new video camera, and Judy got a new digital still camera (also takes video). Of course Judy got her Xbox 360 too! We've been playing Movie Scene It! and Fable II, plus a couple of games we downloaded. Super cool! I also got some new clothes for work and a new wallet and some games and stuff :-)

New Year's was kind of uneventful. We stayed home w/our friend Laura who came to visit from Pennsylvania! That was cool. Laura's fun :-)

The Winterguard had its first show this past weekend. We did pretty well with that, I think. Basically it's been a nice month or so. :-D That's my update!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

2008-12-18T20:54:00.000-08:00

words
cannot express
my deep feelings
of total and utter
frustration at this very moment
I don't want to
take it out
on anyone
though.

Today
has been
a most horribly
stressful and thought provoking
day. One I hope I
never need to
experience again
ever.

I
should realize
it's not about
me personally, or rather
it's not about making me
feel like a sucker
but I do
feel like
that

Give
an inch
they will take
a mile and another
and so on until they
have become so distant
there's no point
in trying
anymore.

Last month of the year

2008-11-29T09:26:00.000-08:00

Well, the last month (and a few days) of the year have arrived! It's been quite a tumultuous 2008!

In February I lost my job-- one I really enjoyed! In April I found a new job-- one I didn't enjoy, but it is growing on me, and I do it well.

Friendships were lost, but new ones made. That hasn't happened to me in a long time. Since college, I'd say... but as the saying goes "good riddance to bad rubbish" and I'll add "and to high school mentalities!"

I've started a bootstrap non-profit (ATX Winterguard) that is currently operating in the black, is gaining notice around the area, and will hopefully continue to be strong and productive in the goals I've set out. I've hired an all-volunteer staff that is amazing, and I wouldn't trade them for anything! My goal is to be able to pay them next year!

Judy and I are still married and still going strong. I love her so much! I wish I could let her know just how much she means to me, but I'll never be able to find words that express it well enough. Even I'm slightly amazed that we're still together, given my previous track record with relationships! I knew she was, and will continue to be, the one true love of my life. :-)

Thank you all for your support and words of encouragement so far this year!

While I have some time

2008-11-09T05:39:00.000-08:00

I set out a goal to update this blog at least weekly, but instead have updated weakly :-(

The past month has been incredibly busy for me! At work, we finally got a whole lot of projects that need to be completed quickly-- mostly by the beginning of December. So, I have been working pretty late compared to my normal business hours. Since I work for a major company, I don't like to put in long hours, but I've been doing it lately to make sure I don't have to take work home over the weekends.

So, lately I've been working from 8:30 am until 6:00 or later. This past week was the first close-to-40 hour week I've had since the beginning of October. I only worked 40.5 hours. I know a lot of people probably think that's nothing, but when you're accustomed to working 37.5 hours a week (like I was), and making MORE money than you currently make, you can see why it might be difficult to increase the hours you work and not see an increase in income.

I've been reducing my hours a bit on my non-profit group (ATXwinterguard.org) because of the increase in for-profit work hours. Luckily, I laid a lot of groundwork earlier in the year, and can back off a little bit while still having some success.

ATX winterguard now has 8 members/performers who will be performing around Austin, with possibly one show in San Antonio, one show in Commerce, and one in Dallas. The members are all young kids, which is great. They seem to be extremely excited about performing and learning the show, which is also great! AND, they seem to all get along so far! Which is AMAZINGLY GREAT!

So, I feel that things are going in the right direction. I hope that they continue to do so, and I will do everything I can to make sure that it keeps happening!

Been a long time since...

2008-10-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

I've updated. Well, not a REALLY long time, but longer than I usually prefer.

Let's see-- I've been swamped at real job. Looks like things are only going to get backed up and frustrating for the next month or so. Yay.

I'm not feeling well. Allergies? A cold? I don't know, but my throat is on fire and I'm all sniffly and feel a bit on the warm side. It's 70 degrees and I'm sweating like it's in the upper 90s. Not fun.

Been working a lot on the website (http://budurl.com/677z) for my non-profit group, and trying to promote it. I am probably not doing enough, but I don't have much time to work on it as I would like. I need to get more people involved. Our auditions for performance group are this weekend, so I'm hoping that we will actually have people show up and participate, and they will get the word out!

If not, I don't know what to do. Give it up? Try again in a few weeks? I'm kind of confused. I also worry too much and need to relax a bit. Who knows what will happen?

My turn to Whine

2008-09-30T16:14:00.000-07:00

So, I've been working with this high school program for the past year. Working hard to bring them a quality performance ensemble. I've had to fight for just about everything-- time, space, money to get the kids costumes for performances, etc. It hasn't been pleasant, or fun for me, but I do it for the kids, because otherwise most of them wouldn't be doing much of anything else. It gives them a chance to learn how to be a part of a team, to try something new, and to feel successful.

Last year there were 10 kids in the program. Then we grew to 12, then shrank to 8, which happens, because high school kids are fickle. I asked the program sponsor at the school to hold recruiting opportunities-- have a table and show some videos of performances during the school's "activity fair", take the group to the middle school to do a performance and have the kids answer questions and meet 8th graders who might be interested in joining the group. Every time I asked, I was told "oh yeah, we're working on that. I've contacted people." and nothing EVER HAPPENED. EVER! I'm not a school district employee, and I don't know the proper people to contact, and I even told this person that if he provided me the contact information, I would directly contact the people myself. I never got the information.

So this year, we have 6 kids in the program. We had 7, but one was removed to do a stand-still "speaking" role while the others performed around her. This was not my idea. Anyway...

Long story short. I'm no longer with the program, and it's only halfway through the performance season. I'm not gone by choice. I would have finished out the season.

Fuck it. I'm just too upset. I'm trying not to be, but I can't help it. I hate when people lie to me, and worst of all when they lie to kids.

Tired

2008-09-12T22:33:00.000-07:00

I'm super tired lately. I think age may be catching up to my desire to do things. I hope this is not the case! Just trying to take on too much? Not eating or exercising properly, not getting enough rest, and always being stressed at work probably doesn't help much either... maybe it's those things. yeah... it's probably those things.

I barely have the energy to write this blog! I'm scared to take time to just relax and read a book because I think I may be missing out on an opportunity to recruit more kids to my non-profit performing arts organization! But, maybe I'm over-reaching and trying to do to much? What's wrong with just having 6 or 7 kids interested at first? Nothing!?! It's better than zero interested, right? Yeah! I wish that was good enough for me. :-/

I mean, There may be 30 kids interested for all I know. I guess it's the not knowing that bothers me the most.

Creativity

2008-08-23T23:00:00.000-07:00

I never thought my creativity would take the turn it has been lately.

Rather than writing poetry or short stories, I've been creating websites, updating code, working with some html, and learning a little bit about web-hosting, site development, and marketing to try to create brand recognition. It's quite challenging!

I am actually exhausted after spending about 5 hours trying to create a website that I'm happy with (I'm not happy with it) using iLife for the MAC. Because I'm not happy with it, I haven't uploaded it to the server yet, so the domain and server space I purchased today go unused and empty.

Things could have been easier if I had hired someone to do the work, but after several weeks of trying to get people to help out, I've decided to do it myself. It's 1 pm, and I started this adventure at around 2 pm this afternoon, so I've spent about 11 hours on it (5 actually creating the website, the rest trying to figure out what I was doing, and dealing with other issues involved).

BTW-- those hours don't include the 5 months prior to this where I've been creating Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, FriendFeed, Plurk accounts and updating them, along with the blog for this venture which I also work on. Emailed friends and family. Pitched the idea, accessed temporary facilities for the endeavor, held an open house (alone, mind you. The other people who were supposed to help didn't show up). Stressed out, cried, sucked my thumb, drank too many sodas, and just wanted to give up a few times....

Oh yeah, plus I worked my "real" job and a 2nd job working with high school kids in the afternoons. It's almost like I'm back in college again! :-D

Self-Loathing and...

2008-08-16T21:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I go through moments where I feel as though I have nothing positive to offer the world. Sometimes I go through moments where I feel as though all the positive things I've tried to offer go unnoticed or unappreciated. I know I'm not alone in these feelings, but during those moments I just can't help but feel that I'm the only one.

It could be anything that sets me off-- sitting alone in a room, being in a room full of friends, creating a funny/poignant/heartfelt story, enjoying some ice cream, getting a "funny" look from a stranger...

I wish I didn't have to deal with these feelings, as they really create a sense of self-loathing in myself and in my abilities. They make me question my existence (not in a metaphysical or existential way) in terms of a sense of pleasing myself and others. I try not to live my life to please others, and I generally go about things without caring much

But when it comes to my wife, I only want to do what is right and meaningful and fulfilling for both of us. Unfortunately, sometimes I think about pleasing myself only, and it leads to problems. No, this isn't about sex, it's about interacting in a positive way with someone I love and care about beyond my capability of measuring or stating for others to understand.

I just want to be the best "me" I can be for myself and for my wife, and sometimes I fall short of that goal. Maybe my aspirations are too lofty, but if I was always satisfied with the status-quo, I would never strive to be better, and that's something I couldn't do: settle for less than my best.

2008-08-04T13:54:00.000-07:00

Saw this and had to put it somewhere I knew I wouldn't forget about it. From the Austinist.com website in a post about ArtSpark:

"One of this year's teams, Élan Productions, has developed a play with music titled di[verge]. The piece examines the notion that only five different moments in your life affect its ultimate outcome, and asks the question, "Do we ever really accept our present, or do we, as people, continue to dream about our past, and what might have been?" Which moments are your five moments? What if you did something different at one of those moments?"

Solving Problems

2008-08-04T07:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it just takes a little bit of work and investigation to solve a problem.

I'm thinking about trying some artistic endeavors involving some artistic and technological interests I have. This could become a problem as I have a tendency to overthink things and attempt to put too much into something that could be quite lovely if done with a modicum of restraint.

In other words, I try too hard sometimes.

My thoughts: How can art and technology be combined in a performance arena? In other words, how can living breathing objects incorporate technology into their performance-- not through lighting, or technology to help design the show (although that's part of it), but rather... I know what I want to say but the words aren't coming to me right now.

Example: Perform a piece to techno music-- music created and performed on computers or by computers, using props that symbolize or are actually constructed of technological advances (fiber optic cables, representative of iPods, mobile phones, etc.). Could the performers' costumes be made of pieces of technology, developed using technologically advanced fabrics and materials? What about creating blocking/staging through random pattern sequencing from a computer programmed to create such patterns...

A soundtrack that discusses online/internet usage, social media, how technology has helped and/or hindered our lives. Information overload? Information underload?

Lots of thoughts. I wonder what I can do with them.

Confusion?

2008-07-31T19:58:00.000-07:00

So I added 2 apps to my blog: Plurk and BlogLog that somehow are sending posts into the main body of my blog rather than keeping to their little side areas where I placed them.

I don't see anything strange or different about my settings or layout, and I'm wondering why all these little 140 character or less posts are showing up in the "meaty" part of my blog. mmmmm.. meaty blog.

Anyway, If anyone reads this, I could use some help in figuring this situation out! Anyone?

2008-07-31T12:06:00.000-07:00

Rule of editing: Do NOT introduce new errors when you correct old errors. Please follow this advice. Kthxbye

2008-07-31T11:33:00.000-07:00

Rough day! Lots of trouble with Adobe Acrobat 8.0 at work

2008-07-31T05:18:00.000-07:00

feeling better today! hope it lasts!

2008-07-30T07:40:00.000-07:00

what a beautiful day! I wish I felt less sick so I could enjoy it more

2008-07-29T13:54:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned how much I love ADIUM? I didn't know I could combine identities! No more overpacked friend lists! WOOT!

And now for something completely Different...

2008-07-25T10:41:00.000-07:00

WeGame.com - WoW Videos

What is the fascination with celebrities? I sometimes get wrapped up in the hype also, but do I really care how much they spent on their living room furniture? No...I don't even care how much I paid for mine! I just know I like it and it fit my budget.

Does it all harken back to a long distant past-- like 5 seconds ago-- when money meant power and success? Do people really think money buys happiness? Why are so many celebrities and rich people in therapy then? Why are their kids miserable?

I'm just happy to have a decent roof over my head, be able to take my wife out to nice places once in a while, and have some good books to read-- oh yeah, and to have internet access :-)

Is YOUR bank in financial trouble?

2008-07-18T12:05:00.000-07:00

I read this story today on CNN.com about a "secret list" that the FDIC keeps on banks that are in financial difficulties. For some reason Blogger won't let me create an HTML link, so here's the website:
(http://money.cnn.com/2008/07/18/news/economy/fdic_list/index.htm?eref=rss_topstories)

As a fairly new investor and someone who grew up without a lot of money, but hopes to acquire some throughout my life, this story troubles me. Basically, it says that the FDIC-- the organization that insures the money that banks hold--knows when banks are in trouble, but won't release the information to the general public.

Their rationale is that only about 1% of the banks on the list actually fail, the rest just need some help restructuring or whatever... So, my question is, if a bank is not structured properly to at least maintain, and is in danger of losing a great deal of money (money that isn't theirs, by the way), shouldn't the bank's customers KNOW about it? Wouldn't it create a system whereby banks should be held more responsible for how they use money that isn't theirs?

I mean, seriously, if teachers need to be held accountable for whether Johnny Snotnose learns his alphabet, shouldn't banks be held accountable for how they manage our money? If schools are required to publicly post grades on standardized tests, shouldn't banks be required to publicly display their profit (or loss) margins?

Why would the FDIC hide this information from consumers? If I had the choice of Bank X or Bank Y, and Bank X showed up on a list that said something to the effect of "oops, look what they did with the money." I would most likely take my business to Bank Y, which isn't on the list. Don't government officials say the same thing about schools? "Well, if you can't get your kids to learn, then parents should have a choice of where to send their kids!"

It's a basic economic principle-- if I can get a better deal for my money (higher interest at a bank, better teachers at a school, more items at the store), I'll go to the other place-- customer satisfaction and security of mind!

I'm not an economist, nor am I an expert in money matters, but I do know that it's not right to try to hide the fact that a financial institution may be failing when people invest their money into such a place to try to avoid the pitfalls of risky finanical behavior by themselves or someone else!

Come on FDIC, Share the information! It's our money, not yours!

Social Media

2008-07-17T20:54:00.000-07:00

I just attended a meeting of the Social Media Club in downtown Austin. It was my first time attending such an event, and it was quite eye-opening!

As the founder of a non-profit organization, I have been attempting to use social media to get the word out about my organization and to try to drum up support. Apparently, I'm doing some of the right things! Andy Meadows, founder of LiveOak360, was the guest speaker, and his topic was the 10 things to do in the next 10 days in order to get your business talked about through social media. I won't get into the details here, but there will hopefully be something about it on the Social Media Club Austin website...so I provided a little linky :-)

I also did a little networking and found out about some organizations in Austin that are set up to help non-profits become more technically proficient and stuff such as that! I highly suggest going to one of these meetings if you're in or from the Austin, TX, area! It was relaxed and people were friendly and helpful!

I also found out that I know barely ANYTHING about computers, the internet, and things of that nature! Now I'm inspired to find out more!

UGGGGHHHH

2008-07-11T11:09:00.000-07:00

People irritate me a lot. A L O T. I haven't said anything in a long time to certain people who have just been irking me beyond comprehension, but I finally did, and I got told off by a loved one who understands my response to the certain people who have been bothering me.

Said "loved one" is upset that she is going to be harassed and dragged into a hopeless situation dealing with the aftermath because she has a direct connection to the certain people who have been peeving me.

I'm just ... ugggghhhh
----------------
Now playing: Brian Eno - Nile (An Ancient Egyptian Quest)
via FoxyTunes

Repost: Make it right if you screwed it up

2008-07-09T07:59:00.000-07:00

Make it right if you screwed it up

I was asked to remove this post by the person affected. I doubt anyone read it anyway, so it's no big loss.

Vacation etc

2008-07-04T07:59:00.000-07:00

Well, the last week of June was VACATION TIME! WOOT! Judy and I headed out to Ocean City, MD to go to the beach. Judy practically grew up there during the summers when she was a kid, and she wanted to go reminisce, while showing me the greatness of OC.

But first we stayed with some friends after arriving in Baltimore around midnight because of plane delays. Then the next day we went to see her sister and grandparents for a little while. That was nice. Judy's been really worried about her grandparents since they've been having a lot of health issues this year. However, they looked great (for being 87 and 85, or somewhere around those ages), so she was relieved. Her dad also drove in from West Virginia, which was nice of him.

After that, we drove to OC and found our hotel-- Breakers on 3rd and the Boardwalk. It was a very nice hotel, and I think we definitely got our money's worth! Great space, nice decor, super comfy bed with awesome pillows, and a little balcony we could sit/stand on and look out toward the boardwalk and the ocean. The room was very comfortable, and for being busy and full of guests, the hotel was nice and quiet, also.

That is, until ... they showed up the family who were invited to come stay in our room for a few days... then it got super loud, and I just couldn't relax. They stayed for 3 days, and wanted to stay for the final day of our vacation, but I was like...."Well, thanks for visiting with us. Be safe on your drive home." and helped them pack up their stuff so we could have 1 more night alone.

But now it's 4th of July, and no kids to deal with, so I'm hoping it's a great weekend :-)

Another Fun Weekend

2008-06-16T10:01:00.000-07:00

Friday night: went to see Iron Man, figuring the crowds would have thinned out by now. Checked on the computer before we left and saw that it wasn't sold out, but decided not to buy tickets until we got to the theater. We left home around 5:30 because we figured we'd get something to eat before the movie. By the time we got to the theater (about 30 minutes later, as we decided to leave during rush hour, even though the movie started at 7:30 pm), the movie was sold out! NOOOOOOOO!!!

So, the only thing that wasn't sold out but that Judy and I had both talked about seeing was Kung Fu Panda, so we bought tickets for that. It was a decent film. Not to goofy, but still fun. There were tons more adults than kids in the audience, which was cool.

Saturday: Went to Elgin to engrave some equipment. Get there and realize that I must have taken the engraver out of my car at some point. Go inside, Frontier Drum and Bugle corps is rehearsing. I won't speak of that, but anyway, Jon is there, but he loaned his engraver to the middle school director, and the engraver is locked in the middle school. So we sit and talk about his website and show concepts/ideas for marching band, etc. Stick around for about an hour, then head home.

Sat. Night Judy and I go to Texas Drum Corps Preview at the capitol building in Austin. Impressed by the sound from all corps. talk about the variation in arrangements and how some really highlight all aspects of the corps' sounds, while others are lacking. Notice the lack of guard in 2 of the 4 corps, and wonder what's going on with that, but don't really care too much.

Wonder why Crossmen got rid of any red on their uniforms. Judy was angry about it. I liked the new look, but did think it was weird to see Crossmen without red!? It's basically their uniform from last year w/white trim instead of red. Haven't read DCP or RAMD yet to see if anyone else has mentioned it.

Sunday: Shopping for new beach shoes. Spent a great deal of time at this, as everything was super expensive, and limited supplies, so we wanted to see what was available. We both end up getting the same style of water shoe/sandal/whatever and spend $75 on each pair! YIKES! I decided to wear mine to work today, so I feel lik I'm getting some value out of them :-)

After shopping, we had been invited to a Party Barge on the Lake, so we try to get there. Directions say 30 minutes and a straight trip... well, it turned into at least an hour and getting lost on backroads, etc. Driving up and over a mountain in almost a complete circle to get to the place that wasn't accessible from the other side of the mountain where we started. The people were nice and waited for us to catch up to them. :-) Met some nice people from the Austin area, and they spent a lot of time trying to convince Judy to march their corps. They tried to talk to me, but I told them I was judging this summer so I wouldn't be able to march. They weren't pushy, though. Just joking around and stuff.

Went home, fell asleep. Woke up and now training on Microsoft Project for the next 2 days. Long lunch breaks though, which is how I found the time to post this!

Fun Weekend

2008-06-09T12:15:00.000-07:00

Friday night Judy and I went to dinner and a concert with friends! We joined Lauren and Brian (who are newly engaged), and Robert and Leti for dinner at Serrano's, a tex-mex restaurant downtown. The food was decent. Apparently the mixed drinks were not strong, however. I had 2 beers, so I wouldn't know. Anyway. Decent conversation and fun were had!

Afterwards, we all walked a few blocks to Stubb's BBQ, which I guess is a restaurant, but is mostly known for it's live-music and outdoor "stadium". We saw Data Rock, a band from Hungary (or so they kept saying), and Ladytron. Interesting crowd! Robert bought us all tickets to this show, though I don't know why, so we paid for his dinner. :-)

Saturday we didn't do much-- sat by the pool for a little while, but not much of anything else. Judy went to see Sex and the City with friends (read her blog for more about that!) while I stayed home and worked on fixing my phone. It works much better now! :-) Love me some shareware and freeware!

Sunday we went to Schiltterbahn, my first time there. Judy took her nieces there last year when they came to visit. It was fun. All water rides! Some of them used "water propulsion" to shoot you UP ramps and stuff like a roller coaster. It was a blast, literally! Got a little sunburn, but nothing too bad. Lost a pair of cheap semi-broken sunglasses and bought a new cheap ($10) pair that are much better, in my opinion.

Today, dentist appointment to fix a broken tooth-- put on a temporary crown while mine is created somewhere. $225!! And that's only for 1/2. I pay the other 1/2 when I pick up my new crown and they put it in. Uggh. But, at least my smile will be much handsomer ;-)

New Stuff

2008-06-02T07:26:00.000-07:00

I ordered two new mobile phones from AT&T today. One for me, one for Judy.

First, mine: the AT&T TILT. It's one of the highest rated phones on CNET (from both the "experts" and actual users of the phone) with an 8.3 out of 10. It's one of them there "SMART Phones" or PDAs.

Judy got the Blackberry Curve, which is tied with the TILT in terms of CNET ratings. She got the red one, which I was looking at too, so hopefully she'll let me play around with it a little :-)

We both get the personal data plan, which allows us to use GPS, check and send email, download music and videos, and bunches of other stuff too. I can't wait to try out my new phone! They should both be here by Friday! YAY!

Finally!

2008-05-16T13:46:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday I finally got all the programs installed on my computer that I need to do my job effectively! YAY! Now I just need something to do!

Last week there were all these files to work on, but they were all due by Monday or Tuesday. By the time I got my programs installed Tuesday afternoon, most of the work had been done. Since then, there hasn't been much of anything, just a few 1-page files to work with.

Most of this week has been me working on a new project called Austin Independent Winter Guard, an all-age guard "family" I'm trying to put together in the Austin area. I've received some response so far, and I'm hoping to receive more. There's a meeting this weekend for our local guard circuit, and hopefully I'll drum up some interest there.

I've even made up some business cards to hand out. I just need to get some business card paper and print them out. I'll do that today and take them to the meeting. :-D I hope this gets off the ground.

I have a meeting on Wednesday to discuss the possibility of bringing the group out as a Venture Scout Crew, which would help with getting funding/donations, insurance, and hopefully a practice facility in the area. I've also been approached by a local drum corps who has insurance and a 501(c)3 non-profit status, and I'm looking into working with the Boys and Girls' Club in Austin, but I haven't heard back from them yet. I may have to call them about this.

So, we'll see what happens.

Still haven't heard from the principal or HR person at the school where I currently teach guard.

blah

2008-05-11T13:45:00.000-07:00

I just feel blah lately.

Anyone reading this? Cheer me up, please!? :-)

Two Worlds Collide

2008-05-06T13:37:00.000-07:00

I am being BEGGED to work as a teacher at the school where I instruct color guard. However, all this begging is coming from the band director. At this point, I haven't heard anything from the principal or the human resources director, who have ultimate say in whether or not I'm hired. I've filled out all my applications and paperwork (before I was gone from my previous job), but have heard nothing.

Of course, in the meantime, I have this new job....but it's really not much fun or very interesting. There are some really nice people working here. I enjoy talking to them. However, I would like to do some actual work. Unfortunately, my computer does not have all the programs I need to do my work. I have put in requests (through IT and through my supervisor) to get these programs installed, but so far nothing is happening. They can install these programs remotely, but I haven't heard anything yet, and it's been over a week! At least send an email that the request has been received and is being addressed or something! Geez! I may have to rethink this career move if this is the ongoing level of frustration. I mean, at my last job I had everything I needed within 2 weeks. It's been at this place, and I just don't know what to think if this is the initial introduction to the work environment.

All that said, I do enjoy having a paycheck again! It's nice to know how much I'll be getting paid and when I'll be getting it. We went out to celebrate the end of the semester and my first paycheck and BANG got rear-ended driving down the road. Not even close to my fault this time! I was in the right-hand lane and a car just smacked up on us from behind. Luckily, there was little damage-- need to get my rear bumper replaced-- and what damage there is will be paid in full by the other party's insurance as he admitted to being at fault 100%.

Right now my car is in the shop *AGAIN*, and I have a rental that the other insurance company is paying for as well. I hope to get my car back by the weekend. We'll see about that.

NIN is giving away it's new album for free on the internet. I downloaded it last night but haven't had a chance to listen to it yet. soon I hope.

New Stuff

2008-04-20T07:52:00.000-07:00

Got a new job! Woot! Working for Pearson as an Associate Project Manager. Salary, benefits, paid every 2 weeks, new position that I was hired for. Almost like the position was created just for me :-) I start off with 1 week paid vacation, and next year I get 2 weeks. I think the max it goes up to is 3 weeks, maybe 4. Anyway, I also get 10 paid vacation days plus 3 paid sick days-- if I would have started 2 weeks earlier, I'd have 5 sick days. Sweet! Days don't roll over though, which is kind of a bummer, but still plenty of time to take off and recuperate when needed.

So far I've been reading up on the project, finding out that there's a lot of redundancy. My immediate supervisor was talking to me on Friday about how she felt the same way, but was facing resistance to simplification of the process. Weird, but totally understandable. I'm still waiting on a computer and phone line, email access and my permanent cubicle. Right now I'm in a temporary cube. I don't know if they're going to wait until I get my permanent space to give me my computer and stuff-- I should find out soon, I guess.

The commute is a little longer-- dealing with a bit more traffic, but nothing horrible-- it's only about 15 to 20 minutes, about the same as when I worked downtown at UT. I can set my own hours, but they prefer if I keep something steady-- like 4 am to 12:30 pm. Not that I would do that, but as long as my hours are pretty much steady, I think it's all good. I'm thinking 7 to 3:30, but there are other considerations to make -- depending on what happens with my high school guard kids and the situation there. They want me to teach their guard class in the fall and that starts at 2:45. I'm sure I can work something out, eventually.

Apparently I have the option of working from home on occasion as well-- as several people have done that in my first week. This could come in handy :-).

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Now playing: Rufus Wainwright - Sally Ann
via FoxyTunes

It's over!!

2008-04-05T17:02:00.000-07:00

No more teaching or judging winter guard this year! YAY!

Off to Dayton, OH in a few days for WGI Championships.

Then return for Marching band guard auditions :-( That is, if I get paid before then! If not.. oops!
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Now playing: Gidon Kremer, Oleg Maisenberg - Schubert: Violin Sonata In D, D 384 - 2. Andante
via FoxyTunes

Unemployed and BORED!

2008-03-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

So, I don't remember if I posted this before-- I probably did-- but the company where I was working and really enjoying what I was doing was sold in December. Well, as of March 7, I have been "laid off" as a "redundancy" meaning the new company already had enough people doing the same job as me.

Since then, I've been looking for jobs. Now, I don't have to pound the pavement, but my fingers are sore from typing so many emails to companies! At least I've completed my resume pretty accurately and completely, (I hope). Today alone I've applied for 3 jobs, and received one phone call for an interview next week.

I also attended a career fair yesterday at the local university. Surprisingly, there weren't many opportunities available for someone with my experience. Many of the positions were internships and/or entry level type positions. I still took names, emails, flyers, pamphlets, and business cards, etc, because you never know, right!? Network, network, network!!!!!!

Anyway. When I'm not applying for jobs or trying to figure out my unemployment benefits, I've been playing a video game that was a Christmas gift. I'm on the final leg of that, and can't wait to be done with it! It's a great game, but I'm just getting bored :-/

Saturday is TCGC regional A championships. We have to leave at 6 am to be there by 8:30 (yes, 2.5 hours away). uggh. I'm not looking forward to it! :-P

After that-- who knows? Have a great weekend!

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Now playing: Marilyn Horne - Una voce poco fa
via FoxyTunes

South By Southwest begins

2008-03-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

I live in Austin TX. This is my 2nd year in this city/town (to me, it's way too small to be a city, but according to population it is one). Last year I kept hearing about this thing called South by Southwest, which I didn't really understand, but basically breaks down this way:

Sunday-Wednesday: Film and Electronics festival== showings of unreleased films, peaks at yet-to-be-released video games.

Wednesday-Saturday: MUSIC -- live concerts in small venues. Some big names, but mostly unsigned or "close to being forgotten" bands.

There is some overlap of course, as we went out on Monday night and some of the bands had already begun arriving to play at local bars. And of course, the movies will continue playing throughout the week.

Anyway, today we went downtown to watch Sarah Bareilles (Love Song) for free at a local record store. There was a fairly large crowd-- so large they had to stop people from trying to come in during the concert. Here she is live on Colin Ferguson's show. In my opinion she sounded better today (piano/keyboards, an acoustic guitarist and a drummer), but this is a good idea of her style of music:

I can't wait to go back tomorrow to see Carbon/Silicon (Mick Jones from The Clash and Tony James of Generation X) and Half Japanese. Judy will be at some other thing with a friend of hers, and then on Saturday I'll be at a free concert to watch Ice Cube (of NWA fame) while she goes to watch Rachel Ray do something somewhere. Then we'll meet up and cruise 6th Street or the Warehouse District (4th street), which we haven't had a chance to do since we've moved here. Hopefully I'll get a chance to see one of my fave new rappers-- Dizzee Rascal, who is also playing for free at a show here somewhere.

So, yeah. It's almost as fun as Philly here sometimes! Now I just need to find a new job-- got laid off on Friday because our company was sold and my division was pretty much shut down, but it's kind of nice to chill for a week during such an interesting event.

:-)

Two endings...

2008-03-03T14:12:00.000-08:00

It's the final month of indoor guard season for my regional A guard. We've received a lot of positive feedback from the judges and from people who have seen the show, and I think the girls really appreciate that.

Unfortunately, 2 girls quit and 1 girl was sent to alternative school last week, so our last show was performed with 3 holes, which didn't help the show look as pretty as it should. However we finished the show on Tuesday and even with the holes still ended up in 8th place (out of 13) and won equipment! Woot! This week we go back to adjust the major problems caused by the missing people. Luckily, we have found 1 replacement and may be getting another one after spring break (in 2 weeks). So, although the season is winding down, there's a lot to still get done.

I was informed last week that my current position as an editor was being eliminated due to downsizing and reduced work flow. That sucks! But, it's another opportunity for me to try something new. I'm looking forward to having time to do some actual creative writing again!

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Now playing: The Glove - Punish Me With Kisses
via FoxyTunes

It's been a long week

2008-02-23T03:50:00.000-08:00

Lots to do at work. Lots to do with colorguard (STILL haven't finished the show! It WILL be done by first weekend in March!!)

Not enough time to spend with my gorgeous wife.

Sunday...

about me

2008-02-15T11:12:00.000-08:00

I like to think that I'm a realist, but I'm really a dreamer.
I need love and truth and all that is beautiful in this world and in my mind.
I feel lost right now.

I prefer fiction to informational texts, romance to logic, daydreams to reality.
I have to believe that my life is worth the effort-- and that my effort is worth life.
I feel fear right now.

I try to see everything in a positive light-- every cloud a silver lining.
I have to believe that my life is worth the effort-- and that my effort is worth life.
I feel pain right now.

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Now playing: Michael Riesman: Philip Glass Ensemble - Glass: Glasspiece #2 (Facades)
via FoxyTunes

Broken Promises, Broken Hearts

2008-02-04T10:00:00.000-08:00

A vow was made, to not be broken

even though the heart is...

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Now playing: Ani Difranco - Untouchable Face

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

2008-01-25T11:52:00.000-08:00

Last minute location changes
Incorrect items ordered, delivered
bitching bitching bitching
This has been a rough week

tears, stomach pain, shakiness
shallow breathing, lack of sleep
palpitations, cold sweats
Let it be over soon.

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Now playing: Sleep Chamber - Beyond The Exerior
via FoxyTunes

Talk

2008-01-17T08:03:00.000-08:00

Talking really does help relationships. Don't hold ideas in, don't be afraid to discuss things with others, especially if something is bothering you. When you let problems build up, eventually an explosion occurs. (Contents Under Pressure are explosive!) Whether it's a loved one, an acquaintance, someone at work... whatever. Just talk.

Chances are pretty good things will work out better because of it. If they don't, then consider the way you spoke about the situation. Choosing words carefully is important as well.

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Now playing: Plasmatics - Put your love in me
via FoxyTunes

News and stuff

2008-01-09T08:19:00.000-08:00

I got a message that my car is almost done-- the paint was applied over the weekend and is now dry, and they are just putting the pieces back on (bumper, and I don't know what else), and it should be done in a few days. For some reason, the car dealer called Judy's phone number and not mine. Weird. So, today is Wednesday, I'm hoping it's ready by Friday! Judy will need to take it to San Antonio for judges' training. I'll use her car for Elgin's camp on Saturday.

Which reminds me, I am going to "trade equipment" with someone from San Antonio. He's going to bring up 10 or 20 silver poles that I will trade for 10 or 20 white poles. Fun Fun.

Last night was the first night back from winter break for my Elgin kids. Wow. We spent almost the whole night taping rifles and retaping flags. Seriously, it took 2 hours to do, then we only had about 30 minutes to work on basics, and not on show. Apparently Thursday night some of them need to work at the band's concession stand (money they make goes toward their band dues) so that's another 2 hours where I won't be able to work with all the kids. They better all be there Saturday. Anyone not at the mini-camp will not perform at the first show! Those are the rules, and I'm going to stick by them.

Apparently a lot of staff people are leaving the drum corps (it's only January!), and I see this as very problematic. I've never been a part of an organization where so many staff members quit so early in the season. Usually there might be one or two who through the course of the season leave for personal reasons or whatever, but... Well, to be fair, Brent got called back into military action, but most others just didn't want to do it anymore for a variety of reasons.

It's just all so odd. Especially when I see other similar groups seeming to have their act together and really growing stronger and more successful without so much of the BS I see here. This must be a sign of some sort, but I'm the stubborn type and really want to push through to try to make a positive impact.

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Now playing: Philip Glass - Closing
via FoxyTunes
via FoxyTunes

It's a New Year...

2008-01-04T13:15:00.000-08:00

"It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life...for me
and I'm feeling good!"

I'm in a pretty good mood today, which is nice. I got something accomplished at work, and I found an AWESOME Badtz Maru desktop picture for my computer :-)

Also got word that my car should be done in a week! I can't wait to have it back.

Last night Judy and I went to Chez-Zee for dinner. It was very good-- as usual, and it was almost free since we used a gift card that her friend gave her. The gift card was a "reward" for cat-sitting while her friend was home for 2 weeks over the holidays. It bought 2 nice dinners, and dessert. We also had a couple of glasses of wine. It was a nice evening.

Of course there's negative stuff, but I'm trying not to focus on that right now. I've got too many things going on that I can affect positively, and I'm going to.

That's all for now. Have a good weekend (in case anyone actually reads this blog).

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Now playing: Michael Bublé - Feeling Good
via FoxyTunes

Reflection: A New Ending, a New Beginning

2007-12-27T11:44:00.000-08:00

My year is almost over in a few ways

1) Tomorrow I will be 3 years from the big "40"

2) 2007 is almost over

The past couple of weeks, I've been reflecting a lot on the past few years-- the years since moving from PA. I really think my life took a turn for the better once I broke up with Jen, met Judy, and bought--then sold--my house. Looking back, I see a lot of people in my life at that time going nowhere. Of the few I still keep in touch with

*two are still living at home with their parents (or returning to live with their parents)
*one is married and divorced, although much better off for it in my opinion
*one is married with a child, still living in the same house and looking to sell it for the past 4 years.
*one is working at a retail store, happily, though! and is a single parent

I wonder how I would be if I were still in the area? Miserable? Looking for something more to give my life meaning? Would I really have left everything to go back to school for my PhD? I don't know.

I do know that I was at a turning point in my life when I met Judy, and meeting her really put my future into perspective. Sometimes it's really hard to believe that I met her 5 years ago and that we're still together (dating 5 years in February). I guess what's most surprising to me is that she still wants to be a part of my life. Not only that, but that I can TELL she wants to still be a part of my life. It's just amazing to me.

As well as reflecting, I've been thinking about the future. What's next for us? Where will we be in 3 or 4 years when Judy gets her PhD and a job? What will we be doing in the years until then? I know that she and I will be together, and that we will love each other more with each passing day. I know that she'll take the job that's best for HER, and that I will happily go along for the ride and find an occupation that I enjoy--whether it's returning to school for my own PhD, getting a job, whatever.

I guess this is one of the few times in my life where I see positive things happening, despite all the negativity that has come at me (and her) over the past year, I know we'll be ok as long as we're together.

To a 2008 that brings positivity, joy, and wonderful memories to everyone!

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Now playing: Cure, The - 11 - Lovesong(1)
via FoxyTunes

One Week

2007-12-16T09:09:00.000-08:00

It's been one week since

my car was hit. I have yet to get a report on the damage from my insurance company OR the body shop. My back is still a little stiff and sometimes there are some twinges of pain, but it feels much better than it did a week ago. Luckily, teaching guard requires me to do a lot of back and abdominal stretches and strengthening activities, so that helps a little bit.

Speaking of guard: my high school guard now has 45 seconds of show on the floor. They're regional A, so there's not much moving involved, but it will work. I'll add more if I think they're capable of handling it. The girls who are on sabre are loving it. I think the work is kinda simple, cheesy, but of course, they never really had sabre work before, so it's awesome to them.

I haven't seen the independent guard in about a month now. It's interesting that in that time they've had 1 entire weekend canceled, and 2 rehearsals cut several hours short. I have no idea what that is happening, but I'm not happy with it. Of course, since it's not my guard, meh.

Speaking of "meh": my hard drive on my 4 month old MacBook crashed. Mechanical failure, I was told. Nice. I lost about 80 hours worth of work-- Guard handbooks, resumes, emails, financial info, schedules, etc. Not to mention the 40 gigs or so of music.

I still can't get my email program to work properly. I'm super pissed. Luckily I found a Firefox addon that checks all my web-based mail and notifies me if there are new messages. I will say that it was a lot more convenient having a program access those mails and save them to my computer where I could respond to them or file them. However, I always had my emails remain on the web, so at least they're archived there. Probably better off for now.

That is all. Stay tuned for more info!

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Now playing: The Beastie Boys - 3 MC's & 1 DJ (Live Video Version)
via FoxyTunes

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Now playing: Josh Groban - Remember When It Rained
via FoxyTunes

Normally

2007-12-08T05:39:00.000-08:00

At this time on a Saturday morning I would be running around trying to organize things for one (or both) of the two performance groups located in Dallas for which I am on staff.

However, yesterday on my way home from work, I was hit by a dump truck as I was changing lanes on my drive home from work. Thankfully, I'm ok-- my back and neck are stiff and sore, but I'm going to the doctor about that. As for my car, the rear bumper was torn off, my hubcap came off and my tire on that side was shredded, and there's a big ol' dent in the rear driver-side quarter panel. Of course, I don't know much about car damage, so we'll see what is really wrong once the body shop takes a look at it. I took some pictures, and if I figure out how to save pictures from my cell phone to my computer, I may even post them.

I've never been involved in an accident before. It was quite scary and I didn't know what to do. Police came by to help us move our cars off the side of the road, then spent a little over an hour getting the story together, etc. They were very efficient.

In any case, try not to get hit by a dump truck. It's not fun, and I'm super glad it was rush hour and there was a lot of traffic and we weren't moving fast at all. If that were the case, I might not be able to type this right now! Thankfully, I am able to :-)

Idiots

2007-12-05T08:15:00.000-08:00

Yup, there are tons of them in the world, and I seem to know at least 10 who just love to show how much of an idiot they are. What's worse, is they all like to hang out together and be idiots , while telling other people that they're not idiots.

I shouldn't let it bother me. I try not to, but they really irritate others who then come bitching to me about it, and that bothers me.

I feel relaxed

2007-11-25T07:16:00.000-08:00

These past few days have been really relaxing. I was feeling really sick and feverish Wednesday night after work and into Thursday afternoon, but recovered quickly. Judy said it was probably just stress...as noted a few posts ago, I've been undergoing a lot of stress lately.

1) New projects thrown my way each day at work. Now, if it was something I was familiar with, it wouldn't bother me much, but it's generally something I've never seen before and I am being asked to edit the stuff for details that someone familiar with the subject matter should be looking at.

Luckily, I keep getting compliments on my work, but when I make a simple comment like "this manuscript is incomplete" when there are 2 chapters listed but no content in them, and my supervisor says "I don't understand why you're saying this manuscript is incomplete?" um. then I have to take 5 minutes to explain it... uggh.

2) Winterguard A--I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge... oh wait, someone else is in charge... can i get my stuff sometime before the end of the season, please? please?

3) Winterguard B-- I'm not in charge. I'm not in charge. I'm not in charge. Oh, I am? wait, i'm not? what? I don't understand...

4) Corps-- no major stress yet. I emphasize "Yet" Just people who don't know how to run anything successfully (at least, not to my knowledge--or anyone else's) talking smack.

I feel better now. No names mentioned, no harm, no foul.

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-21T20:11:00.000-08:00

STRESSSSSSSS

2007-11-13T19:52:00.000-08:00

Me =

Random Thought

2007-11-05T11:36:00.000-08:00

Culture of Discipline

It's halloween time

2007-10-30T15:07:00.000-07:00

And I really don't care. Which is sad, because Halloween was always my favorite time of year. Maybe it's the 80 degree weather, or the fact that most trees in Texas don't change color and lose their foliage. Maybe I'm too old *gasp* to enjoy it anymore.

Whatever. this isn't going the way i thought it would. and i'm getting upset. oh well. i'll post it anyway

2007-10-20T08:43:00.000-07:00

So, apparently...

2007-10-16T09:30:00.000-07:00

Chimps are pretty good actors, and have much more control over their vocalizations than previously thought.

Speaking of monkeys...Not everything is bigger in Texas. Need to go a little further south.

A recent experiment questions how both art and science are used "to construct meaning out of memory, location, and psychosis." Very interesting!

Why arguing is healthy for women

(like they need another excuse)!! ;-) j/k!

Things to see...

And so it begins...

2007-10-11T09:52:00.000-07:00

Some people just need to get over themselves. Seriously whatever your (this is a general "your", not pointing to a specific "you"-- Romance languages are so much better for pointing out this differentiation in singular vs. plural or specific vs. general) personal issues are.... just do everyone a favor and deal with them.

They're not my issues; I don't want them, nor do I want to have them cast onto me because you can't deal with them on your own.

If you're not doing that, thank you. I appreciate it. Don't feed the drama. No one benefits from that. We all have enough of our own problems to deal with on a daily basis.

In Lighter news (well, I think so)...an article in Scientific American claims that language evolves over time based on the common usage of words-- or lack thereof-- here's a link to the article: Use It or Lose It: Why Language Changes Over Time

I wanted to insert a picture here, but it's not working, so I guess I'll just say "hai-fyves" lols

Busy, Busy, Busy

2007-10-08T11:15:00.000-07:00

Let's see what I've done this past month

Texas Independent Winterguard
A non-profit youth organization based in Denton, TX (3 hours away from where I live). I've been asked to be the assistant director for this group. The job pretty much entails running business/administrative aspects--such as public relations, budgeting, scheduling, etc.--for the group. So far I've created a budget, a calendar, flyers, press releases, and been in almost constant communication with the Frontier Performing Arts Association board of directors who oversee the operations of TXI and a number of other groups in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area.

Frontier Drum and Bugle Corps
I can't get into too much detail about this, but I've been talking with the current and former directors of this group, as well as with the current program coordinator. Looks like some interesting developments will be taking place in the upcoming year. I'll probably give more information next week...if I remember.

Elgin High School Marching Band
I was brought in to teach some work and help the guard out. Now they want me to take over the winterguard program and to come back next year and possibly take over, as the current guard director wants to get pregnant. I'm not sure if I really WILL be taking over, if she doesn't get pregnant, but in any case, I'm going to be taking on more of a role in the development of the visual package (and in particular of the colorguard).

So far I've already picked a potential winter guard show, uniforms and have started trying to create the show in my head. We'll see if it works, if anyone wants to join, etc. My goal is 12-18 in the winterguard (last year they had 8), and hopefully a bunch of them will carry over into marching band season next year.

Work
I've been reassigned to 2 different projects in the past month. This month alone I've been asked to work on 2 literacy projects (I was hired to work on math). But, since everything it kind of up in the air right now I spend a lot of my time "researching" (i.e. playing) on the internet. Every few days I'm thrown a manuscript and asked to look it over and make any comments regarding the contents that I think are appropriate. So far I haven't been asked to really make any major changes to the manuscripts, but the little I have done has been looked at positively and will probably only help.

That's pretty much all I want to talk about right now. Except that No One ever leaves me comments! How sad :(

At least my counter shows that a few people have visited the site. that's always fun to see :-)

Welcome to a new month

2007-10-01T10:58:00.000-07:00

October 1. Usually around this time I'm thinking of leaves changing colors, a cool crispness in the air, hot cider, warm sweaters, and kissing my baby after a haunted hay ride. Today is no exception...However, we live in TX (and before that in FL), so very few, if any of these thoughts will become actuality.

As I look out my window, the sky is blue, the clouds are high, and the leaves are green. The current temperature is 75 with a high of 90. I'm not sure if that has been reached already. It's only 1 pm, so probably not. It just strikes me as exceptionally odd.

October is actually one of my favorite months of the year, but since moving to the south, it's just not the same. We went to a street fair this past weekend, but...I don't know.. it wasn't fun. Maybe it was the people we were with? Maybe it was the fact that the fair was more like a market place. There wasn't much to do but walk around and spend money on stuff--and by that I mean on objects like jewelry, pictures, paintings, blah.

October 1. It's just not the same

Entertaining...

2007-09-26T15:09:00.000-07:00

So, for the first time in...I don't know how long, we're entertaining!

Yup, people are actually coming over to our place to enjoy our company (and a healthy dose of Monty Python's "Holy Grail"). Two of our guests are vegan, so I'm going to attempt to make an egg-free batter for veggies tempura. I wish I could think of a vegan type sauce to go with that.

We're also going to make some baked parmesan-chicken fingers with marinara sauce. Judy suggested that, and I don't know how to make it , but it sounds yummy! It can't be that tough if it's just chicken, parm cheese, and some batter for the coating.

In other news...

Jason named me as the assistant director of Texas Independent. Judy is business manager, and Cherie is the travel coordinator/something else I can't remember. I know we're going to be doing a lot of work, but hopefully we get it as close to correct as possible so that we get TXI off the ground and running!! We just have to go out and recruit people now! That's Jason's main job, I think. He knows a lot more people in the area than I do.

However, that might change in the next few years, as I was asked to return to Elgin for the Winter and for next fall. They must really like the work I write and the way I get along with the kids. So far it's going well, most of the kids are really positive and they all try really hard to figure out the work I teach. I can't wait to give them a great indoor guard show and help them realize how much better they are than they currently think they are!

At "real world" work I was reassigned to projects #3 and #4. This time working on literacy development for elementary school teachers. We'll see how long until I'm either switched back or moved on to something else.

Enough for now. I need to run to the bank and try to find some vegan sauce ideas!

Finally! My thoughts on IQ Tests

2007-09-20T15:17:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I posted a blog about the "waning of IQ". It's pretty interesting to me, as a former teacher, to see a discussion about IQ and how it's not actual intelligence that's waning, but the tests that supposedly measure intelligence.

I'm not a big believer in tests as measurements of ability. We're tested daily to show our knowledge about topics taught in schools-- math, reading, social interaction, geography (reading a map), culture, and so on--some of us know things, some of us don't. Does that mean people are lacking in intelligence? Probably not. I won't go into detail about the supposed socio-economic bias exhibited by many so-called "Intelligence Tests"...

Anyway, I've always done fairly well on tests- especially multiple choice tests and essays--so I'm not against them for the reason others might be (that they don't do well, or are stressed out by them). I just feel that tests specifically used to measure intelligence are flawed in their development. By their nature, they are going to measure intelligence that is important who whatever company is creating them or whatever company is paying to get them made.

Additionally, due to the massive increase in readily-available information, intelligence measures are going to continuously fall behind the information that is available to the average person. As such, by the time the questions are written, edited, then published and disseminated, they may be antiquated or no longer valid based on new findings. As a current editor in an educational publishing company, I can tell you that this is often the case.

Rather than trying to measure what people can memorize, it's much more important to measure what is truly necessary information in the current society. Whether it's American middle-class consumerism society or third-world agricultural society, information needs differ based on cultural, socio-political, and personal needs; thereby making an accurate measure of one's intellectual prowess nearly impossible.

I feel better now!

The waning of IQ-- comments to follow

2007-09-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

The Waning of I.Q.

DAVID BROOKS

Published: September 14, 2007 in the New York Times

A nice phenomenon of the past few years is the diminishing influence of I.Q.

Skip to next paragraph

David Brooks.

For a time, I.Q. was the most reliable method we had to capture mental aptitude. People had the impression that we are born with these information-processing engines in our heads and that smart people have more horsepower than dumb people.

And in fact, there’s something to that. There is such a thing as general intelligence; people who are good at one mental skill tend to be good at others. This intelligence is partly hereditary. A meta-analysis by Bernie Devlin of the University of Pittsburgh found that genes account for about 48 percent of the differences in I.Q. scores. There’s even evidence that people with bigger brains tend to have higher intelligence.

But there has always been something opaque about I.Q. In the first place, there’s no consensus about what intelligence is. Some people think intelligence is the ability to adapt to an environment, others that capacity to think abstractly, and so on.

Then there are weird patterns. For example, over the past century, average I.Q. scores have risen at a rate of about 3 to 6 points per decade. This phenomenon, known as the Flynn effect, has been measured in many countries and across all age groups. Nobody seems to understand why this happens or why it seems to be petering out in some places, like Scandinavia.

I.Q. can also be powerfully affected by environment. As Eric Turkheimer of the University of Virginia and others have shown, growing up in poverty can affect your intelligence for the worse. Growing up in an emotionally strangled household also affects I.Q.

One of the classic findings of this was made by H.M. Skeels back in the 1930s. He studied mentally retarded orphans who were put in foster homes. After four years, their I.Q.’s diverged an amazing 50 points from orphans who were not moved. And the remarkable thing is the mothers who adopted the orphans were themselves mentally retarded and living in a different institution. It wasn’t tutoring that produced the I.Q. spike; it was love.

Then, finally, there are the various theories of multiple intelligences. We don’t just have one thing called intelligence. We have a lot of distinct mental capacities. These theories thrive, despite resistance from the statisticians, because they explain everyday experience. I’m decent at processing words, but when it comes to calculating the caroms on a pool table, I have the aptitude of a sea slug.

I.Q., in other words, is a black box. It measures something, but it’s not clear what it is or whether it’s good at predicting how people will do in life. Over the past few years, scientists have opened the black box to investigate the brain itself, not a statistical artifact.

Now you can read books about mental capacities in which the subject of I.Q. and intelligence barely comes up. The authors are concerned instead with, say, the parallel processes that compete for attention in the brain, and how they integrate. They’re discovering that far from being a cold engine for processing information, neural connections are shaped by emotion.

Antonio Damasio of the University of Southern California had a patient rendered emotionless by damage to his frontal lobes. When asked what day he could come back for an appointment, he stood there for nearly half an hour describing the pros and cons of different dates, but was incapable of making a decision. This is not the Spock-like brain engine suggested by the I.Q.

Today, the research that dominates public conversation is not about raw brain power but about the strengths and consequences of specific processes. Daniel Schacter of Harvard writes about the vices that flow from the way memory works. Daniel Gilbert, also of Harvard, describes the mistakes people make in perceiving the future. If people at Harvard are moving beyond general intelligence, you know something big is happening.

The cultural consequence is that judging intelligence is less like measuring horsepower in an engine and more like watching ballet. Speed and strength are part of intelligence, and these things can be measured numerically, but the essence of the activity is found in the rhythm and grace and personality — traits that are the products of an idiosyncratic blend of emotions, experiences, motivations and inheritances.

Recent brain research, rather than reducing everything to electrical impulses and quantifiable pulses, actually enhances our appreciation of human complexity and richness. While psychometrics offered the false allure of objective fact, the new science brings us back into contact with literature, history and the humanities, and, ultimately, to the uniqueness of the individual.

a weekend without drum corps

2007-09-10T14:16:00.000-07:00

So, this was the first weekend w/out drum corps in ...months. I did a whole lot of nothing! It was nice and relaxing, but I need something to do, so I registered for a class on grant writing. Saturday was the first class, and it was just a basic overview of what a grant is and what not to focus on when writing a grant. I learned a lot. I need to take the whole class (either part II of the class or a full semester).

Taking the class also made me think about going back to school for an MBA-- non-profit organization management. It could be interesting, and a side of business that i've thought of before.

Anyway. What else? Watched the last 4 episodes of ROME. Man, that was a good show. I'm sorry to see it gone :( Now I'm worried about Scrubs-- will it be back? !!?? I hope so!

On Friday I was asked to cut my hours down to 37.5 Still full time (so I still get benefits), but less time to get things done. Not a big deal for me right now since our next project is still being formulated. However, I got home at like 3:45, when I usually get home at 5:30. That was nice :-) I actually had some time to blog a little bit. WOOHOO!!

Oh yeah, now that dc is over, I need to set time aside to write. I need to look over ideas I've jotted down and see which one grabs me the most. Hmmm...

Drum Corps/ Marching Band/ Winter Guard

2007-09-06T07:29:00.000-07:00

So, the drum corps season is over, and now marching band season is underway. I like the kids at the school I'm teaching. They are novice/regional A level, but have potential to be at the top of the class if I ever get time to work with them on movement and weapon basics. They can spin flags pretty well, and some of them are already working on performing the show.

We've been doing a lot of learning of drill lately. The 3rd # is taking a while because it's 24 sets. So far the kids have learned 12 of those sets, so we're 1/2-way there!!! Unfortunately (in my opinion) they spent time teaching a throw-away show that will only be performed four times. I guess they used it to help learn marching basics, but it took time away from learning the competition show. The parents seemed to enjoy it though, and that's always a good thing because it gets their support.

I'm thoroughly and utterly confused by UIL rules. UIL is the "governing body" of TX extra-curricular activities. The main rule: no more than 8 hours of practice a week beyond the school day. Ok. I can kind of understand that-- the kids have time to do homework, have a p/t job if they need. However, we're only using 6.5 hours of that allowed time. I don't get it. I guess that's not really UIL, but it's still confusing. Also, they have all sorts of rules about who can march, what shows you must attend, etc.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing what I can accomplish with these kids during winter guard season. I already have a tentative schedule in place and relayed that info to the current guard director (who will be stepping down in the spring). Hopefully they'll all stick around for indoor guard, and we can bring on a few others to check out winter guard!

On the other hand, I have no clue what's going on with the independent guard! I hope to find out soon.

Weekend Reflections...

2007-08-27T14:03:00.000-07:00

It was HOT in Dallas!!!

It was nice to see Brent again, although we didn't see him for long what with practice and all that.

Why do people insist on fighting you when you have a job to do?

Thanks to all the nice people who understand how difficult things can be at times.

Did I mention that it was HOT in Dallas??

No sunburn! YAY! :-)

My wife is way hot....hotter than Dallas! ;-) lol

Sometimes I really miss my cats...

Speaking My Mind

2007-08-23T08:37:00.000-07:00

I've been told throughout my life to shut up and "not make waves." I've been told that my ideas are stupid and worthless. I've been told that all I ever do is speak negatively...

I am capable of speech and communication. I am able to get across complex ideas in a simple way that almost anyone can understand. If you want to listen/read, please do. If you don't, then don't. The only one I'm "making trouble" for is myself, and most times I'm not making trouble. If I am, it's not on purpose.

I have great ideas, but I also know when things aren't working, and I'll be the first to speak up if I feel that way. I'm not shy about it. I'll offer criticisms and constructive ideas to go along with them. If you only want to pay attention to the negative, whose fault is that? not mine.

I've never told anyone else to silence themselves if they feel something is wrong. I would never tell anyone their ideas are "stupid" or worthless. Complacency=stagnation and Silence=Death ($.02 to ACT UP) as far as I'm concerned.

Minnesota Monsoon

2007-08-20T11:28:00.000-07:00

It was really wet and cold in Minnesota. That is all for now.

Texas Independent 2008 Cast Auditions

2007-08-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

Texas Independent (TXI) is a new Independent winter guard from Dallas, TX, that will be debuting during the 2008 competitive season. The ensemble is open to ages 14 - 22. However, Texas Independent does not recruit any student from any high school program that has an active scholastic winterguard established.

Plans are well under way for the 2008 season where TXI plans on participating in the North Texas Color Guard Association (NTCA) as well as participating in WGI regional events as well as WGI finals in Dayton, Ohio.

Location: Date: Time:

TBA Sunday, September 23, 2007, 10am to 6pm

Please wear dance attire - preferably black. Flags will be provided but those wishing to audition for a weapon spot will need to bring their own equipment. TXI Audition Fee - $40 - non refundable

In order to audition you must have both a completed audition form and your audition fee at registration.

For more information and to join our mailing list, please visit our website at http://txindependent.org

Take my cold, please!

2007-08-15T12:25:00.000-07:00

I have a really yucky head-cold right now. Judy thinks it might be allergies, but I'm not so sure

symptoms: Sore Throat, post-nasal drip, itchy nose. Feel congested. coughing (from post-nasal drip). Tired. Feel slightly dehydrated. Eyes warm and itchy feeling.

Sounds like a cold to me! Today I couldn't eat breakfast I was so blah. for lunch I had a cup of soup (mushroom bisque, I think) and a crappy slice of pizza. I took an Advil cold and Sinus and a Benedryl. Right now I just want to lie down and fall asleep, but it's only 2:30 and I work until 6:30. i could probably take off early, but I'm leaving for Minneapolis and taking all day Friday off, so I'm already down on hours for the week! It's would be impossible for me to make up the 4 hours with only 1 more work day to go this week.

So i looked up my symptoms, and it seems more allergy related than cold related. Guess I'll have to get a strongre allergy medicine than Claratin. Unless my insurance covers Claratin Decongestant. That might help. I dunno. I need to see my dr. SOON for prescription refill, so I can talk to him then.

sleeeeeeepyyyyy

Research and Minnesota

2007-08-14T15:46:00.000-07:00

I'm doing a lot of research for a new project at work. Research, research, research. I love doing it, but it does get boring sometimes.

"You love research? Why?" Well, I enjoy learning things. Getting all sorts of different perspectives on things and understanding why things happen the way they do or why certain ideas are more powerful than others. I also enjoy questioning what the information says and finding other sources that either back it up or dispute it. Then I enjoy taking all the information and making up my own mind based on the evidence presented. Yummy synthesis!

We're off to Minnesota this weekend for competitions in St. Paul and St. Peter. I'm coming down with a head cold (or possibly overly active allergies!) and that's going to make flying a bitch. But, I love Minnesota in the summer-- it's so pretty! Yes, I said Pretty.

At least Judy will be there this year, although no Cherie to make fun of people with :-( We'll have to take a picture in the tub like we did last year. lol. Maybe I'll post it if we do. It's also Judy's birthday weekend, so we gotta think of something to do that's fun. Hmmm...

Weekend Review

2007-08-13T07:01:00.000-07:00

Boring weekend, for the most part.

For those in the know. I am a member of a drum and bugle corps from Dallas, TX. This corps is called FRONTIER and is an all-age corps including members as young as 13 and as old at mid 60's. I'm a member of the colorguard--or visual ensemble--and this past weekend we finally finished writing our show. It took a long time, but its actually nice to be done. The last two seasons the shows were not completed until championships weekend and then performed poorly at championships. This year we have 3 weeks to try and clean the show as much as possible.

Well, technically we only have 2 weeks before finals, but that's better than an hour or two!

The only thing that really sucked about this past weekend is that Judy (wife) had to stay home because she was teaching 2 summer classes and had to stay to give their finals on Saturday! Oh well, the life of a PhD candidate, I suppose... her blog is here if you want to look at it.

That's about the extent of the weekend. I'm reading a book called The Kite Runner, which is pretty good. I wanna slap the main character-- he's a total putz. Apparently this story is being turned into a motion picture. I wonder how they're going to show some of the scenes in the book...that's all I'll say. If you've read the book, you probably know what I'm talking about, and if you haven't read it, I recommend it. It's an easy read.

Intro

2007-08-08T11:13:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to do a typical intro-- where I live, etc., etc.

Instead I'm going to post some things that say a bit about me. Kind of haphazard, but oh well.

My new tattoo

Rare river dolphi n 'now extinct'
They were most likely hunted to death. Click the link to find out more.

The most horrible of crimes against humanity: Genocide. Save Darfur

My favorite kinds of music: Gothic, Industrial, Punk, and Classical

Comedy... HA HA HA HA!! Stop... I can't .... breathe... hahahaha!! HAA!!

A few of my worse habits :(

Myspace

food--- especially this place!

Good enough for now.

Blog #1 Joining the Masses

2007-08-07T07:33:00.000-07:00

So I've finally caved in and started my own online blog. I have a blog on myspace and xanga, and facebook.... I don't write in them much. I guess there's just some stuff I want to say that I don't necessarily want my friends and family to read. Or maybe I just think they won't care. Or maybe I just don't want to write on those sites.... who knows.

The past few days I've been hearing about how a new blog is started every half second. That's a lot of blogs. Hopefully mine will be of interest to me (if to no one else) and make the time to set this up worth it.

Thankfully it was easy to do. Not like in the old days of the interweb! Man, that was tough. I don't even need to remember any html or learn XML or java for this!

My next blog will be a bit of introduction and what not...

----------------
Now playing: Ministry - Stigmata (Live 1990)
via FoxyTunes

A Sliver of Brain Matter

Live a Good Life...

I woke up crying

8 months!

Man...

Southwest Airlines ! Love it!

Simplifying

My Love Language

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Physical Touch

About this quiz

A month later...

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Last month of the year

While I have some time

Been a long time since...

My turn to Whine

Tired

Creativity

Self-Loathing and...

Solving Problems

Confusion?

And now for something completely Different...

Is YOUR bank in financial trouble?

Social Media

UGGGGHHHH

Repost: Make it right if you screwed it up

Make it right if you screwed it up

Vacation etc

Another Fun Weekend

Fun Weekend

New Stuff

Finally!

blah

Two Worlds Collide

New Stuff

It's over!!

Unemployed and BORED!

South By Southwest begins

Two endings...

It's been a long week

about me

Broken Promises, Broken Hearts

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

Talk

News and stuff

It's a New Year...

Reflection: A New Ending, a New Beginning

One Week

Normally

Idiots

I feel relaxed

Happy Thanksgiving

STRESSSSSSSS

Random Thought

It's halloween time

So, apparently...

And so it begins...

Busy, Busy, Busy

Welcome to a new month

Entertaining...

Finally! My thoughts on IQ Tests

The waning of IQ-- comments to follow

The Waning of I.Q.

The Way We Live Now

a weekend without drum corps

Drum Corps/ Marching Band/ Winter Guard

Weekend Reflections...

Speaking My Mind

Minnesota Monsoon

Texas Independent 2008 Cast Auditions

Take my cold, please!

Research and Minnesota

Weekend Review

Intro

Blog #1 Joining the Masses