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Self-Loathing and...

Sometimes I go through moments where I feel as though I have nothing positive to offer the world. Sometimes I go through moments where I feel as though all the positive things I've tried to offer go unnoticed or unappreciated. I know I'm not alone in these feelings, but during those moments I just can't help but feel that I'm the only one. It could be anything that sets me off-- sitting alone in a room, being in a room full of friends, creating a funny/poignant/heartfelt story, enjoying some ice cream, getting a "funny" look from a stranger... I wish I didn't have to deal with these feelings, as they really create a sense of self-loathing in myself and in my abilities. They make me question my existence (not in a metaphysical or existential way) in terms of a sense of pleasing myself and others. I try not to live my life to please others, and I generally go about things without caring much But when it comes to my wife, I only want to do what is right an...
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AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

Last minute location changes Incorrect items ordered, delivered bitching bitching bitching This has been a rough week tears, stomach pain, shakiness shallow breathing, lack of sleep palpitations, cold sweats Let it be over soon. ---------------- Now playing: Sleep Chamber - Beyond The Exerior via FoxyTunes
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News and stuff

I got a message that my car is almost done-- the paint was applied over the weekend and is now dry, and they are just putting the pieces back on (bumper, and I don't know what else), and it should be done in a few days. For some reason, the car dealer called Judy's phone number and not mine. Weird. So, today is Wednesday, I'm hoping it's ready by Friday! Judy will need to take it to San Antonio for judges' training. I'll use her car for Elgin's camp on Saturday. Which reminds me, I am going to "trade equipment" with someone from San Antonio. He's going to bring up 10 or 20 silver poles that I will trade for 10 or 20 white poles. Fun Fun. Last night was the first night back from winter break for my Elgin kids. Wow. We spent almost the whole night taping rifles and retaping flags. Seriously, it took 2 hours to do, then we only had about 30 minutes to work on basics, and not on show. Apparently Thursday night some of them need to work ...
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