Sometimes I go through moments where I feel as though I have nothing positive to offer the world. Sometimes I go through moments where I feel as though all the positive things I've tried to offer go unnoticed or unappreciated. I know I'm not alone in these feelings, but during those moments I just can't help but feel that I'm the only one. It could be anything that sets me off-- sitting alone in a room, being in a room full of friends, creating a funny/poignant/heartfelt story, enjoying some ice cream, getting a "funny" look from a stranger... I wish I didn't have to deal with these feelings, as they really create a sense of self-loathing in myself and in my abilities. They make me question my existence (not in a metaphysical or existential way) in terms of a sense of pleasing myself and others. I try not to live my life to please others, and I generally go about things without caring much But when it comes to my wife, I only want to do what is right an...
My year is almost over in a few ways 1) Tomorrow I will be 3 years from the big "40" 2) 2007 is almost over The past couple of weeks, I've been reflecting a lot on the past few years-- the years since moving from PA. I really think my life took a turn for the better once I broke up with Jen, met Judy, and bought--then sold--my house. Looking back, I see a lot of people in my life at that time going nowhere. Of the few I still keep in touch with *two are still living at home with their parents (or returning to live with their parents) *one is married and divorced, although much better off for it in my opinion *one is married with a child, still living in the same house and looking to sell it for the past 4 years. *one is working at a retail store, happily, though! and is a single parent I wonder how I would be if I were still in the area? Miserable? Looking for something more to give my life meaning? Would I really have left everything to go back to school for my PhD? ...
Boring weekend, for the most part. For those in the know. I am a member of a drum and bugle corps from Dallas, TX. This corps is called FRONTIER and is an all-age corps including members as young as 13 and as old at mid 60's. I'm a member of the colorguard--or visual ensemble--and this past weekend we finally finished writing our show. It took a long time, but its actually nice to be done. The last two seasons the shows were not completed until championships weekend and then performed poorly at championships. This year we have 3 weeks to try and clean the show as much as possible. Well, technically we only have 2 weeks before finals, but that's better than an hour or two! The only thing that really sucked about this past weekend is that Judy (wife) had to stay home because she was teaching 2 summer classes and had to stay to give their finals on Saturday! Oh well, the life of a PhD candidate, I suppose... her blog is here if you want to look at it. That's about ...
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