Sometimes I go through moments where I feel as though I have nothing positive to offer the world. Sometimes I go through moments where I feel as though all the positive things I've tried to offer go unnoticed or unappreciated. I know I'm not alone in these feelings, but during those moments I just can't help but feel that I'm the only one. It could be anything that sets me off-- sitting alone in a room, being in a room full of friends, creating a funny/poignant/heartfelt story, enjoying some ice cream, getting a "funny" look from a stranger... I wish I didn't have to deal with these feelings, as they really create a sense of self-loathing in myself and in my abilities. They make me question my existence (not in a metaphysical or existential way) in terms of a sense of pleasing myself and others. I try not to live my life to please others, and I generally go about things without caring much But when it comes to my wife, I only want to do what is right an...
Well, the last month (and a few days) of the year have arrived! It's been quite a tumultuous 2008! In February I lost my job-- one I really enjoyed! In April I found a new job-- one I didn't enjoy, but it is growing on me, and I do it well. Friendships were lost, but new ones made. That hasn't happened to me in a long time. Since college, I'd say... but as the saying goes "good riddance to bad rubbish" and I'll add "and to high school mentalities!" I've started a bootstrap non-profit ( ATX Winterguard ) that is currently operating in the black, is gaining notice around the area, and will hopefully continue to be strong and productive in the goals I've set out. I've hired an all-volunteer staff that is amazing, and I wouldn't trade them for anything! My goal is to be able to pay them next year! Judy and I are still married and still going strong. I love her so much! I wish I could let her know just how much she means to me, but ...
I'm super tired lately. I think age may be catching up to my desire to do things. I hope this is not the case! Just trying to take on too much? Not eating or exercising properly, not getting enough rest, and always being stressed at work probably doesn't help much either... maybe it's those things. yeah... it's probably those things. I barely have the energy to write this blog! I'm scared to take time to just relax and read a book because I think I may be missing out on an opportunity to recruit more kids to my non-profit performing arts organization! But, maybe I'm over-reaching and trying to do to much? What's wrong with just having 6 or 7 kids interested at first? Nothing!?! It's better than zero interested, right? Yeah! I wish that was good enough for me. :-/ I mean, There may be 30 kids interested for all I know. I guess it's the not knowing that bothers me the most.
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